08/12 - The Month That Didn't Exist

Was there an April this year? Because I think we just skipped it. There are four more months for me here in this city, and it just started to be difficult again.

Everything went just fine for me at the beginning of April even though I hadn't been home for six weeks. But that was okay. And then I went on a beautiful holiday with my parents for two beautiful weeks. I went home to the place I missed most, the second home I already have: Texel.

I spent much time with my parents as my brother couldn't come with us. It was amazing. It felt so so good. I felt so home and cared for and comforted. One week of sand and the sea, of wind and rain and sunshine, of bike tours and long beach walks, of evenings with my parents and me watching series and being comfortable with life. Leaving never hurt so bad.

Back home, I spend another two days with my dad and brother (as mom stayed on Texel) and it was so hilarious again. And then I had to go back here.

Don't get me wrong, I got used to this place and I really missed my roomies and I got people here that are important to me. However, coming back here just felt as if it was the first time, as if I had to start all over again.

It brought me down, made me upset, even desperate because I couldn't help this feeling of being lost and lonely. I had to get used to everything and everyone again and that made me sad and even more desperate.

I don't know if it's okay now. I only know one thing that made me really happy, that helped me forget how sad I felt - for only 45 minutes, but at least I had them. Because I went to see Shinedown opening an Iron Maiden show. I spent 80 euros to see these guys and when I entered that hall, I barely could hold back the tears.

I'm simply lucky to have my roomies having my back, taking care of me. And I'll be home again, soon. There are four months to come now, and I'm not sure if I want them to be over soon or not.