Be good to each other – and please be fair

I’ve been talking about this topic a lot lately, mostly with friends, but also with some people of who I had the feeling that they needed a reminder: Fair play in relationships, friendship, love affairs.

First of all, if two people decide to deepen their relationship in any way, physically, emotionally, whatsoever – their way is perfectly fine. Even if it’s not my way. Don’t judge. However, it is only okay if both parties involved know what the whole thing is about. 

Every feeling is alright, you can’t change it anyway. It’s okay to fall in love, to feel attracted to someone or to feel nothing at all. The plain feeling is perfectly fine and should not be judged. The important part is how you deal with your feelings. 

This is a plea for fair play when it comes to feelings, desires and wants. Please, let the other person know how you feel about them, what exactly you want and what you don’t want. Of course this bears the risk of the other one putting an end to the whole thing. But still, anything else will only lead to broken hearts, hurt feelings and shattered self-esteem. So don’t do it. Just be fair, be open; especially if you are asked openly. I’ve experienced enough situations were a very direct and open request by myself got full end ignored by the other person and things never got clear. This is not okay. And people deserve better.

Of course this is not the easy way. And I don’t want to act as if I’m doing this perfectly all my life. But I try to be open and fair as much as I can and I don't play around with someone’s feelings just because it’s easier. I’ve seen the damage this does to people and I would not want to be responsible for this. Because sometimes uncertainty is the poison that ruins you from inside.