State of my Head #5

"Some of us are meant to be alone." - James "Sawyer" Ford, LOST

Time is flowing, like water, a racing stream and then again so slow. The days are fading into each other. Some things I come across I get along with, some I like, some bother me. The problem is, people do not understand what I'm feeling. How could they? Most of the time, they feel helpless when I tell them I'm down or upset. They do this thing I call "fortune cookieing" - you'll be ok, that's just how it is, it's just a phase. The consequence is, I stop telling anyone how I feel; also because I struggle to explain it. I don't want them to give me this look, telling me that I have this chance and that I don't worship it. That is not true. I do worship the work I can do here, the things that I learn and the people that teach me. I am just not happy with the all around situation.
There are things that bother me a lot, and I will just swallow it, that's fine. It's just one year. I focus on the work, on the good things. I go from weekend to weekend when I see the people I miss so much. I feel lonely. Most of the time. That's ok because I have neither my friends nor my family around me. And yes, I have my roommates, but things started to develop towards a direction I do not appreciate. Everybody for herself. I can stand that, but that does not mean I have to like it.
I learned that people are that way: they like to do things the way they always did, they like to tell people who are sad that things will be better soon - true or not - and they like to focus on themselves. I focus on myself, too. I'm not judging anyone for it because it's just human. And as a human being, it is my right to feel down, upset and lonely sometimes. So please, don't judge me for this.