10/22/2019

I cannot fix this

I've been thinking about how I react when things go wrong a lot lately. I've been thinking about my coping mechanisms and my way to deal with problems. And I realized one thing.

I'm a lot like Jack Shephard from LOST.

Here's why. One of Jack's most common sentences throughout the series, one of his main motivations for is actions is: "I will fix this." In fact, his ex-wife Sarah breaks it down to what it really is about when she's leaving him. She tells him:

"You will always need something to fix."

And I'm just like that. Some people I love have been going through so many struggles lately. And it drives me crazy. Things are so hard and I wish I could find a way to just live with it. But I couldn't. Instead, I was constantly trying to fix things. I was trying to fix these people. I was completely forgetting about myself, ignoring how much it hurt my peace of mind. I was obsessed with the idea of fixing everything. 

I cannot stand the idea of passively waiting for things to change. It drives me crazy when I see the solution right in front of me, but people won't act like I think would be best. I want to fix them so bad, I'm even willing to let it hurt myself.

Just like Jack. 

It's so much easier for me to see things from his perspective. To diagnose him. I've seen where it brought him and I'm slowly starting to realize that I - just as much as Jack - have to learn to let go. That doesn't mean I should give up on these people I love or give up on making our lives better. But I need to understand that there are some things that I cannot fix. And that I cannot go through this alone. 

LOST taught me so many things. So I chose this quote, because it sums everything up quite perfectly:

CHRISTIAN: Nobody does it alone Jack. You needed all of them, and they needed you.
JACK: For what?
CHRISTIAN: To remember... and to... let go.

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